I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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