the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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