Just cropdusted the office
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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