my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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