and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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