GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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