got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize