I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize