Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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