Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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