so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize