Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize