I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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