Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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