I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize