Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize