You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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