I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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