I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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