my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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