I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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