I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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