that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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