Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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