So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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