That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize