I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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