are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize