dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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