Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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