Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize