Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
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I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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