This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize