Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize