I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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