Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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