just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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