Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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