I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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