At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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