while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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