So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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