I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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