well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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