so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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