I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So many bounce houses so little time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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