so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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