I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
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No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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