My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize