the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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